The Haircut

For All...
Uh-oh...I've made you nervous now, haven't I? That's one topic that can set the nerves on edge. Well, that and dentistry. Everyone has a haircut story or two (dozen?).

What's a little boy know of haircuts? Just that some individual is approaching him with sharp instruments that look very painful. He spied the bowl of lollipops on the way in - that always means trouble. Cold, wet hands, scissors, combs in blue kool-aid, odd smells, pieces of hair falling into your eyes, some plastic thingy they put over your Spiderman t-shirt. Nope, it's time to make some noise! "Ouch! That was my ear!" Ok, serious noise!!! "Handsome young man, my foot! That's what they say about big brother and he's so bossy and mean. Besides, who really watches fishing shows on TV?"

Now, for the little girl who escaped the barber and went right on to the booty-salon the story might be a bit better. A nice shampoo (that smelled really good) in a funny-looking chair with only a leetle-bit of water in her eyes. Now off to the big chair that turns 'round and 'round and somehow moves up and down like a merry-go-round horse. There's even a stool in the seat of the chair that raises you up nice and high where you can see everything through the big mirror. Before you know it they're asking about pixie cuts, curls, shags and all sorts of neat things. Nice towels, dress-up capes, a spritz of this, a dollop of that, a warm blow-dryer (not at all scary). Before you know it you're walking out with a special, one-of-a-kind "Cute as a Button" do! "Just wait 'til everyone sees me!"

Have you seen the 14-yr-old ready to hide-out under her bed until her hair grows out? Her life will never be the same. Doomed to misery by that horrible haircut! She'll never be able to show her face anywhere she might see someone she knows! "What do you mean I have to go to school tomorrow???!!!???" Of course, this is the same girl who thought nothing of green or purple hair, black streaks and Pippi Longstocking braids!

How 'bout the bride leaving the salon only to rush home and fix her hair herself? $50 and 2-hours down the drain. Hardly tears of joy - she wonders why these people get paid and what on earth do they learn in those schools, anyway???? She finds she's beginning to believe in conspiracy theories.

Yes, we've all been there. Chewing gum wads, the 4-yr old boo-ti-shun, the cowlicks, uneven bangs, too-short bangs, the 4" trim that was supposed to be 1", nicked ears, burned scalps, curls that are too curly, crew-cuts, mullets, hair grease, shampoos that promise everything from curing toe fungus to landing you on People Magazine's "Sexiest" list, and so on and so on and so on.

Now, this is more for the ladies
I've been to every type of salon you can imagine. Barber shop, home salon, department store salons, neighborhood salons, cosmetology schools, mall salons, high-end mall salons, salons you read about in fashion magazines. I'll bet you can tell I'm very particular about who cuts my hair! And never in a million years would I dream of cutting my own hair - not since I was about 4 or 5 anyway. The best/worst was going to some "Strawberry" salon with $100 haircuts and a mall address to rival Coco Chanel's place. I was in my "red" stage. We were moving to a new state, new start, new me. Reddish hair seemed just the thing. Feeling "new" and fabulous I rushed home to finish packing boxes and getting us moved 2 days hence. It was about that time the phone rang - it was the elementary school. We had a child with head lice!!! (Curse those softball batting helmets!) We picked up the children, bought every applicable product on the drug-store shelf, came home and attacked our furniture, linens, and...(sniffle)... hair. I had to put the harshest, nastiest stuff on my newly coiffed and colored hair (sniffle). I left Florida with reddish-brown hair that looked sad and neglected and in dire need of $100+ salon services!

Now, being a daughter and then having 3 daughters of my own has certainly been an education in hair. Goodness, my mother had her first perm 71 years ago at age 4 when the contraptions looked like something out of a science-fiction book or torture manual or - both! She had thin, straight hair and was oh so pleased when I had thick, blonde waves/curls (which gradually darkened over the years and is now beginning to lighten again...it's just not blonde).

All this to say that we've curled, straightened, lightened, darkened, colored, tried temporary "dos" and permanent "dos," the "takes an hour to style" styles, the no-time-at-all (yes I look like a man) styles, poodle-curly styles, prom up-dos, practice-run-dos, and more than our share of "cry in the car" "dos."

Now, lest you be fooled into thinking our years of experience yielded "the answers" to women's hair (or even just the answers to our own hair issues) - think again. At this point in time I'm wearing my hair longer than I ever have in my life and with less "style" or "definition" than it's ever had. My "regular" hair person is the woman who did all the up-do's for Elisa's wedding. She did a nice job. She's very personable and makes me laugh. Now, I just hope she's a good cutter/permer/colorer/stylist! My last cut and color were 18-months ago and my last perm was 20-months ago. Would you believe I still have some curl left from that? I've had two scheduled appointments in the last 3-weeks but, hey, life just gets in the way sometimes.

Elisa (beautiful blonde with fine, straight hair) apparently has her "hair person" - in Florida. So much for the impromptu, pick-up-the-phone, I need my hair cut today scenario. Oh, did I mention that we live in South Carolina! As a little girl she always had her "cute-as-a-button" haircut. She was so proud of that. When we changed salons and she told the new lady what she wanted she was surprised when the woman didn't know what that was. She was not a happy little girl to find out that Mommy and Grandma had made up the name. To this day, though, she still remembers getting her hair "done" for a Christmas program. This particular salon was right around the corner from our home and I didn't make Elisa wear her seat belt. Our neighborhood roads had almost no traffic. That alone made her feel very special and grown-up. Now, add to that a special appointment to make her hair look pretty and a (surprise) pair of dangly candy-cane earrings. I can still see her face and the excitement in her look. The Christmas program paled in comparison. Of course, this is the same girl who, in middle school, wore her hair pulled straight back and plastered with 1/2 can of hairspray a day! Next came "crimping" by making lots of tiny braids and leaving them in overnight. The next morning your hair was crimped. Aren't you glad fads are only temporary? Now, on a good day her hair is beautiful. On a bad day you'll find it stuffed under the baseball cap of the week.

Shannon, my oldest (beautiful, thick, blonde, naturally curly/wavy hair) practically scalped herself as an ambitious pre-schooler. She was determined to be a hair-stylist AND school teacher. I cried when I got the phone call and I cried harder when I saw her after work. These days she'll let anyone cut her hair who won't charge her. Ha! Until tonight, that is. She cuts her fiance's hair and thinks it's no big deal. When she finished with his hair she asked him to cut hers. Backing away with the deer-in-the-headlights look he refused. Told her he knew nothing about cutting hair. Well, she insisted. Her logic was that as an electrician he should be able to handle this task. As I mentioned, she has thick hair, layers, highlights, the whole thing. Now, she just has a bit less. My lovely daughter is now sporting a chic-looking chin-length style quite unlike any cut she's had since the 4th grade! She sure was happy to find the shopping center hair cuttery open and available after her electrician gave it a gallant attempt! This is the natural blonde who actually paid to get brown highlights in her hair. That's ok - confusion is a comfortable state for her. There's no doubt she's my daughter!

Finally, we have my Abigail. Six years old, beautiful, blondish/brown hair with a bit of natural wave. She's very "girly" and loves fancy clothes, fancy hair baubles, make-up, and perfume. Everything except hair brushes. She'll put 8 little do-dads in her hair with no function, rhyme or reason - but won't touch bristles to her strands. At least not without threats of horrible consequences and that "mom" look. She used to get her hair cut at a children's salon, Jelly Beans. There they would actually lay the child on a padded table so they could wash the hair without getting water in the child's face or straining their neck. Next they were off to a delightfully decorated station with kids' movies, music, pictures and such. Fancy capes and lots of attention. Once finished the child would get to choose a bow or barrette and a balloon. What could be better! Now Abbey gets trims most anywhere around town we happen to be when we realize we haven't seen her eyes in awhile. She was disappointed as a toddler to discover that the lotion on Mommy's nightstand didn't make her hair soft and shiny like they talked about on tv. It did, however, stand up kind of spiky in places and smelled pretty good, too! She couldn't understand why Mommy didn't like it, though.

Did I mention our experiences with Barbie's hair... nah...that's a whole blog entry in itself! Have you noticed, though, that G.I. Joe has plastic hair??? Now, about those conspiracy theories...

psssssssssssstttttttttttt (the sound hairspray makes) pat, pat, dab, dab. 'How's that?" "Great, just pay at the counter and come back to see us again."