The condensed version: This is a long one today so here's the gist of today's entry.
- Think before you speak.
- Control your words - don't let them control you.
- Know what NOT to say....and then don't say it!
And For "The Whole Shebang:"
You may not realize it but I'll bet that you, like me, communicate more in a foreign language than you do in English. I'm not talking about Spanish or French or German. It's not required for high school graduation or entrance into college.
Curious? I'm referring to our "unspoken language."One of my favorite lines of all time was recorded by country-music singer Mark Chesnutt in his 1993 #1 single "Almost Goodbye." Found in the chorus it says "Sometimes the most important words are the ones that we leave unspoken." This really hit home for me.
One example of "words left unspoken (unwritten)" happened Sunday night while writing my blog entry. I had a lot on my mind and the words were flowing effortlessly. Honestly the page was beginning to look more like a book than a blog entry! It took 45 minutes but I did finally wrap-it-up. While previewing it prior to publishing I began to wonder if I was sharing too much. Was I being too personal? Was I treating this more like a diary or journal than a blog? Suddenly feeling nervous I highlighted all of the text and promptly hit the delete key. Instead I published the slide-show-style random thoughts in a neatly bulleted list!
What I didn't write was far more revealing than anything I wrote that night. A blog can be an ideal place to get all those thoughts and feelings "out there" when we feel the need to be heard. To be understood. Where we can make our case, uninterrupted and without argument. Unfortunately, we still need to communicate with those in our lives "the old-fashioned way."
There's been strain in my relationships with my older kids recently. I know that the words I'm saying are not conveying what I'm thinking or feeling. My kids hear nagging or criticism yet I'm trying to tell them things along the lines of "I love you more than anything in the world and don't want you hurt." "I've been there and the road is torn up - take the other road." "Danger, Will Robbins, Danger! Beware!," etc. etc. etc. Unspoken words - unheard messages. Ouch.
It's the end of a long day, husband comes home from work, house is a mess. Dinner? What dinner? Next thing you know - I'm all over him for some imagined slight, some unfinished project, some "wrong" he's done. Yet, if allowed, my unspoken words would say "Hi Honey, it's been a long day. I'm so sorry everything's a mess and dinner...it just didn't happen. I'm really irritated and upset - but it's with myself - not with you. You work so hard and I just hate it when you have to come home to chaos."
Kids? Yep - they catch it, too. Just listen to mommy have a fit when the kids can't find matching socks or a pair of jeans. Cooler day and you need a sweater? No, it's not that I'm angry with the kids - I'm angry because I'm either behind on the wash or didn't double-check that the kids got their clothes to the laundry, or, well, you get the idea. Sweater? I have no idea where I put it at the end of spring. It could be anywhere! So while my unspoken words are explaining and apologizing to the kids, my words are being hurtful and expressing frustration - just not in the right direction.
It's not all bad, though. On the positive side, our unspoken words, as in the song, often define our boundaries. Have a heated argument with your spouse? Maybe your unspoken words are screaming "goodbye" while your spoken words stop short. Horrid day at work? They may be first in your thoughts but hopefully your unspoken words will remain "I quit!" Or "You're such a jerk I don't know how you ever became the boss!" Hmmm...there really are times to keep your words unspoken. We should all be stellar in the art of biting our tongues.
For those difficult situations it's good to know that there is a treatment for the negative side-effects of "Dual Language Syndrome... "
An ounce of courage to say the things we should, when we should. That's true whether it's a "hello" to someone you don't know, or the "I Love You" as a loved one walks out the door for the day. Go ahead and give that compliment. It won't hurt. You just might need sunglasses from the intense glow your words may create in the recipient.
A bite of our pride to let us convey our real thoughts and feelings and not the angry, frustrated words or tones we use with others. It's ok to apologize. It's ok to explain why you're feeling frustrated. Open yourself up to receive the understanding or forgiveness of others. It can be as good as a much-needed hug or loving shoulder to cry or lean on.
An exercise in caution to KEEP certain words unspoken. A "loaded" mouth can be as deadly as a loaded gun. A bullet can't be un-fired once shot and words can't be un-spoken once they've been said. Did you ever try to get toothpaste back in the tube???
I see these situations often in my family. I'm one of the biggest offenders. Through God's help, with prayer and a sincere heart, I'm trying to (1) recognize a potential negative situation, (2) pause, take a deep breath, and do what's needed to diffuse the situation I've just caused. (3) take the plunge and say the words that should be spoken and (4) be mindful of the words that need to remain unspoken.
On the receiving end? Try very hard to "hear" the words others may not be saying. No, I didn't say it would be easy. Keep smiling - it's hard to shout or stay angry at someone with a big smile on their face!
In retrospect, English, while complicated, is a pretty cool language. I don't think I need another.
Blessings to you and yours.
2 comments:
Your words would easily fit into the pages of a family magazine, self-awareness periodical or nestled with other words of yours in a residential book of its own. My pride and esteem in you continues to grow.
Wow! Thank you so much. Go grab your sunglasses now 'cause I'm glowing! Hugs.
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