Carolina In My Mind...

Aah...James Taylor singing "In my mind I'm going to Carolina...yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind." That could've been my song through the years. You see, I was the Florida-born child of transplants from North Carolina. I never felt at home in Florida. Talk about your classic example of "the grass is always greener..." truism. My parents couldn't wait to get out of their small town in NC and move to Fort Lauderdale. I couldn't wait to leave Lauderdale and move to a small town in "Carolina."

Well, 33 years of living and I did make it to "Carolina." It was South Carolina, but hey, I was only 30 minutes from that state line. It wasn't immediate...it took a few years, but this Carolina has truly become "home." It's a good fit. A good combination of what I knew from Florida and what I loved about North Carolina.

I especially like raising my family here. I like the geography and I love the seasons! A little more cold weather and a bit more snow in winter would be nice - but overall - the weather's pretty spectacular.

These days I might still be "Goin' to Carolina in my mind." To the (North) Carolina I always envisioned for me, but it will be a round trip. I'll enjoy the drive, enjoy favorite places I remember and then head back home. The drive is green. It's beautiful. In the early morning hours when a light fog lingers you'd believe you were heading into Eden itself. The beauty I find along 85/77/40 is just a touch more special and beautiful to me when it's 40/77/85. I get the mountains in the backdrop and that feeling of being "almost home."

I know there'll be a light on.

S.


To LCW...There are no words - I just pray you know.

Imagination

I was listening to the radio this afternoon and the DJ asked "Do you ever take side roads just to see where they go?" The question immediately brought a smile to my face. I can't count the times I've looked out the window, seen a road, country lane or the like and started imagining what I might find down that particular path. It also made me feel a bit more "normal" to find that others may think like I do!

I love time spent with my imagination!

I was driving to town recently in a steady downpour. I saw a worker on the side of the road seemingly oblivious to the rain. I remember hoping he had a loving wife at home ready with a pot of fresh coffee or a cold beer; whichever he preferred. I hoped someone let him know he was appreciated.

My imagination really gets to work imagining what the lives are like of random people I see out and about. It could be at a restaurant, waiting in line somewhere, overhearing a conversation in a store. Any number of scenarios. What I imagine is always good, always happy.

While my imagination is rather predictable and somewhat sedate, there are many who make their livings, entertain millions and "wow" us using only their imaginations. I watch shows where comedians come up with skits and routines on the spot. Their minds go places mine would never go. They amaze me. Robin Williams is another that comes to mind. He and so many others like him are comedic geniuses. Then there are inventors, engineers, authors, playwrights, kindergarten teachers, the list goes on.

I use my imagination to entertain myself and sometimes my husband and kids. Extremely limited in its bounds and use. But that's ok 'cause there's more...

While imagining these various things is fun, there's little to compare to what's back on the home front. Driving by the ballpark tonight a little after 8:00 it seemed so odd that it was already dark and locked up. Baseball finished up last week but I saw kids playing football just two hours earlier. Madonna's song "This Used To Be My Playground" came to mind. It occurred to me then, and not for the first time, that as our children go through their experiences, so do we. I was a mom before I ever thought to send my mom a card on the birthdays of her children. After all - their birthdays were her anniversaries as a mother. Well, this park had certainly been Christopher's playground, yes, but it was also where my son played his first ever baseball game. Everyday moments, so normal, so ordinary. Memories to be treasured. Not living through our children, no, but savoring the joys of parenthood. Stacking up our experiences along with those of our offspring. Watching our children experience life.

I've been blessed beyond measure to be able to share, as a parent, in their various activities; speech team, driver licenses, marching band, dance recitals, art classes, field trips, spelling bees, softball, baseball, soccer, graduations, proms, homecomings, first jobs, first-loves, first heartbreaks, showers, weddings, pregnancy, childbirth, college, car accidents, even arrests! Nope, I no longer have to imagine what it will be like when my children (fill-in the blank), I just get to imagine what might be next.

Looks like a thrill ride whether real or imagined! I hope you use your imagination frequently but keep your mind and heart free for the "little bit scary but so much fun" real-life experiences that make us want to jump right back in line for another go.

Mending Fences

Sitting here in front of a blank screen I was thinking tonight's title should be "I Got Nothin'" That's the subject line my daughter and I joke about when I'm at a loss for a topic. But for some reason my fingers started typing on their own and now I have the title "Mending Fences."

Ok, I can go along with that. I don't believe we can ever get enough info or encouragement on this topic.

Cliff, our pastor, reminded us on Sunday that selfishness is at the root of basically all sin. I'm sure it's involved in any situation where we have fences to mend. If this makes you feel as bad as it does me, maybe it will help to remember that it's an affliction each and every one of us has to deal with. So it's an area that needs work - that's ok, as long as we recognize it and then WORK on it.

Relationships... Wow! "Relationships" can be described by just about any adjective you can come up with. Sometimes the complications involved in relationships can make us lose sight of what they mean to us and what should be most important. Sometimes we need to re-focus. Forgiveness might be a good place to start. It's a funny thing. Sometimes we need to ask for it. Other times we need to grant it. Perhaps the most difficult of all is to just plain offer it. This all sounds easier than it is. But life is short. Mend your fences.

So, I'll ask you...DO you have fences to mend? I know I have a few. I've got to remember, though, that small jobs quickly turn into big jobs if left too long. Ignore them and the damage can be irreparable.

I believe I have the tools needed for two of the jobs. They're in familiar territory and in areas I have some experience with. I'm fairly confident all will be well. Now it's just a matter of, (gulp) gettin' the job done.

One of the other jobs, however, I just don't have the experience for or the "know-how." The materials aren't user-friendly and they're aged. Probably not compatible with today's tools. I know this will be a DIY project; it's not something I can hire out, but I don't know where to find directions, tips on technique, best methods for professional results, etc. I can't even find one of those "...For Dummies" books.

Really, I don't even know if I can get through all the layers that have accumulated over the years. Lots of gloss and different paints to try and cover lack of proper care when it was most needed. What I do know is that winter is coming and this job can't wait through too many more winters without repair. If I wait too long, repair won't be an option and replacement will be impossible. Not even restoration pros could help then.

Well, I guess I better get to work. The jobs are piling up and one of them is a beaut! I need to get my fences mended before the winter chill sets in.

See you at the Depot?

Sunday Night Nuggets

Congratulations to our local "Cubs" youth baseball team for a 2nd place finish Thursday night. Great job!

Well, it's painful but I'm finally able to admit I'm addicted to Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. I won't even watch them when they're actually aired. I TiVo them to watch later and make sure I don't watch them all so I always have at least one saved. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem... This is particularly funny since I'm really not a tv person.

Our local high school football team lost Friday night and won't be going to the playoffs. We've been spoiled over the years with a top-notch, state-championship caliber football team. On the other hand, with an unexpected change in band directors and major upheavals to the program, our high school marching band earned a spot to compete for the state title. They placed 7th in the state. Way go to, band!

I made a fleece blanket for my youngest son. He was sweet enough to show great excitement and then tell me the best thing about it is that I made it for him. Now he just might get a matching pillow!

My oldest son was in a car accident last Tuesday and is still without transportation. I tell him it's good for him to stay at school on weekends - I just don't let him know how much more I miss him when he doesn't make it home.

We enjoyed "Halloween Hoopla" downtown Saturday afternoon. It was particularly nice to have our grandson and oldest daughter with us, too. Our crew consisted of two great pirates and one incredibly charming tiger. Costumes and candy and crafts, oh my! Our church took over sponsorship from the city this year and it was a great success. We had over 100 folks volunteering to make it fun for everyone!

Our pastor finished up his current series today. I'll bet you didn't realize that faith is like an IPod? Now there's something I can relate to!

Fall is my favorite time of year and this evening was especially nice. We went with family to their church (our former church) for an outdoor hot dog supper. All the kids were busy at play in the fresh air; running around, tossing a football, games of tag. The weather was perfect. Everyone brought lawn chairs and enjoyed hot dogs (from the grill or cook your own over the fire), chili, slaw, baked beans, chips, cookies, soda, coffee, marshmallows for roasting, and a pinata for the kids. It's always great seeing our old church family. They're dear people and I love the chance to catch-up.

It was a great food day. Mutt's BBQ for their Sunday lunch buffet and a chili-slaw dog for dinner. It doesn't get much better than that!

Well, I was wrong on which potential "Next Iron Chef" would be eliminated tonight, BUT my guy and Christopher and Abbey's guy are still in the running.

Congratulations to Boston Red Sox for a 4-game sweep of the Colorado Rockies to win the World Series title. Our very own Greenville Drive is a farm team of the Sox. Also, good job, Clemson, for your win Saturday, and better luck next week USC.

Have a great week!

It's Not Always About You

It's next to impossible to be in a close relationship of any type without experiencing conflict. This is true of families, marriages, friendships, sibling relationships, work relationships, and so on.

Life goes along peacefully, all is well, and SMACK! There it is.

CONFLICT.

Someone has hurt your feelings, disrespected you, acted in a way you disagreed with. Broken the law, made a poor decision, hurt someone else, whatever. It was something. With all these feelings roiling, broiling, stewing and spewing,

this is THE time to remember...

It's Not Always About You!

We know how we feel. We know we're hurt, angry, disillusioned. We're wired to know how we feel. It's our job to know how we feel. BUT...that doesn't mean we close our mind to how others may be feeling. Those particular "others" that hurt us. It's comfortable in our stand of trees but we can't forget the forest. All of this to say...

People rarely do things to us , but rather,
they do things for themselves.

Now, instead of the target, we've got to realize that we're just part of the fallout. That may not be comfortable. When we're hurt we don't necessarily want to let go; stop placing blame. After all, when something hurts - when things aren't right - it has to be someone's FAULT.

Hmmm...we're not the TARGET. But we're still hurting. How to process that? How to act? React? This is a whole different perspective.

I'm not going to say this will be the situation EVERY time. But I will go out on a limb and say it's going to be the case MOST of the time. If you're open to the probability that you were never an intended victim - but an incidental casualty - you'll have to determine if a "payback" attitude (or even actions) will be the appropriate response. Could it be that an honest, open conversation might be the balm to heal the situation? Let the person know how you're feeling. They may not even be aware how their actions have affected others.

As an optimist, this seems like a prudent, win-win course of action to me. If a situation is beyond this "remedy," well, then, at least this won't likely make things worse.

I pray you and I can always see the beauty of the forest from our place among the trees.

Have a great weekend!

The Haircut

For All...
Uh-oh...I've made you nervous now, haven't I? That's one topic that can set the nerves on edge. Well, that and dentistry. Everyone has a haircut story or two (dozen?).

What's a little boy know of haircuts? Just that some individual is approaching him with sharp instruments that look very painful. He spied the bowl of lollipops on the way in - that always means trouble. Cold, wet hands, scissors, combs in blue kool-aid, odd smells, pieces of hair falling into your eyes, some plastic thingy they put over your Spiderman t-shirt. Nope, it's time to make some noise! "Ouch! That was my ear!" Ok, serious noise!!! "Handsome young man, my foot! That's what they say about big brother and he's so bossy and mean. Besides, who really watches fishing shows on TV?"

Now, for the little girl who escaped the barber and went right on to the booty-salon the story might be a bit better. A nice shampoo (that smelled really good) in a funny-looking chair with only a leetle-bit of water in her eyes. Now off to the big chair that turns 'round and 'round and somehow moves up and down like a merry-go-round horse. There's even a stool in the seat of the chair that raises you up nice and high where you can see everything through the big mirror. Before you know it they're asking about pixie cuts, curls, shags and all sorts of neat things. Nice towels, dress-up capes, a spritz of this, a dollop of that, a warm blow-dryer (not at all scary). Before you know it you're walking out with a special, one-of-a-kind "Cute as a Button" do! "Just wait 'til everyone sees me!"

Have you seen the 14-yr-old ready to hide-out under her bed until her hair grows out? Her life will never be the same. Doomed to misery by that horrible haircut! She'll never be able to show her face anywhere she might see someone she knows! "What do you mean I have to go to school tomorrow???!!!???" Of course, this is the same girl who thought nothing of green or purple hair, black streaks and Pippi Longstocking braids!

How 'bout the bride leaving the salon only to rush home and fix her hair herself? $50 and 2-hours down the drain. Hardly tears of joy - she wonders why these people get paid and what on earth do they learn in those schools, anyway???? She finds she's beginning to believe in conspiracy theories.

Yes, we've all been there. Chewing gum wads, the 4-yr old boo-ti-shun, the cowlicks, uneven bangs, too-short bangs, the 4" trim that was supposed to be 1", nicked ears, burned scalps, curls that are too curly, crew-cuts, mullets, hair grease, shampoos that promise everything from curing toe fungus to landing you on People Magazine's "Sexiest" list, and so on and so on and so on.

Now, this is more for the ladies
I've been to every type of salon you can imagine. Barber shop, home salon, department store salons, neighborhood salons, cosmetology schools, mall salons, high-end mall salons, salons you read about in fashion magazines. I'll bet you can tell I'm very particular about who cuts my hair! And never in a million years would I dream of cutting my own hair - not since I was about 4 or 5 anyway. The best/worst was going to some "Strawberry" salon with $100 haircuts and a mall address to rival Coco Chanel's place. I was in my "red" stage. We were moving to a new state, new start, new me. Reddish hair seemed just the thing. Feeling "new" and fabulous I rushed home to finish packing boxes and getting us moved 2 days hence. It was about that time the phone rang - it was the elementary school. We had a child with head lice!!! (Curse those softball batting helmets!) We picked up the children, bought every applicable product on the drug-store shelf, came home and attacked our furniture, linens, and...(sniffle)... hair. I had to put the harshest, nastiest stuff on my newly coiffed and colored hair (sniffle). I left Florida with reddish-brown hair that looked sad and neglected and in dire need of $100+ salon services!

Now, being a daughter and then having 3 daughters of my own has certainly been an education in hair. Goodness, my mother had her first perm 71 years ago at age 4 when the contraptions looked like something out of a science-fiction book or torture manual or - both! She had thin, straight hair and was oh so pleased when I had thick, blonde waves/curls (which gradually darkened over the years and is now beginning to lighten again...it's just not blonde).

All this to say that we've curled, straightened, lightened, darkened, colored, tried temporary "dos" and permanent "dos," the "takes an hour to style" styles, the no-time-at-all (yes I look like a man) styles, poodle-curly styles, prom up-dos, practice-run-dos, and more than our share of "cry in the car" "dos."

Now, lest you be fooled into thinking our years of experience yielded "the answers" to women's hair (or even just the answers to our own hair issues) - think again. At this point in time I'm wearing my hair longer than I ever have in my life and with less "style" or "definition" than it's ever had. My "regular" hair person is the woman who did all the up-do's for Elisa's wedding. She did a nice job. She's very personable and makes me laugh. Now, I just hope she's a good cutter/permer/colorer/stylist! My last cut and color were 18-months ago and my last perm was 20-months ago. Would you believe I still have some curl left from that? I've had two scheduled appointments in the last 3-weeks but, hey, life just gets in the way sometimes.

Elisa (beautiful blonde with fine, straight hair) apparently has her "hair person" - in Florida. So much for the impromptu, pick-up-the-phone, I need my hair cut today scenario. Oh, did I mention that we live in South Carolina! As a little girl she always had her "cute-as-a-button" haircut. She was so proud of that. When we changed salons and she told the new lady what she wanted she was surprised when the woman didn't know what that was. She was not a happy little girl to find out that Mommy and Grandma had made up the name. To this day, though, she still remembers getting her hair "done" for a Christmas program. This particular salon was right around the corner from our home and I didn't make Elisa wear her seat belt. Our neighborhood roads had almost no traffic. That alone made her feel very special and grown-up. Now, add to that a special appointment to make her hair look pretty and a (surprise) pair of dangly candy-cane earrings. I can still see her face and the excitement in her look. The Christmas program paled in comparison. Of course, this is the same girl who, in middle school, wore her hair pulled straight back and plastered with 1/2 can of hairspray a day! Next came "crimping" by making lots of tiny braids and leaving them in overnight. The next morning your hair was crimped. Aren't you glad fads are only temporary? Now, on a good day her hair is beautiful. On a bad day you'll find it stuffed under the baseball cap of the week.

Shannon, my oldest (beautiful, thick, blonde, naturally curly/wavy hair) practically scalped herself as an ambitious pre-schooler. She was determined to be a hair-stylist AND school teacher. I cried when I got the phone call and I cried harder when I saw her after work. These days she'll let anyone cut her hair who won't charge her. Ha! Until tonight, that is. She cuts her fiance's hair and thinks it's no big deal. When she finished with his hair she asked him to cut hers. Backing away with the deer-in-the-headlights look he refused. Told her he knew nothing about cutting hair. Well, she insisted. Her logic was that as an electrician he should be able to handle this task. As I mentioned, she has thick hair, layers, highlights, the whole thing. Now, she just has a bit less. My lovely daughter is now sporting a chic-looking chin-length style quite unlike any cut she's had since the 4th grade! She sure was happy to find the shopping center hair cuttery open and available after her electrician gave it a gallant attempt! This is the natural blonde who actually paid to get brown highlights in her hair. That's ok - confusion is a comfortable state for her. There's no doubt she's my daughter!

Finally, we have my Abigail. Six years old, beautiful, blondish/brown hair with a bit of natural wave. She's very "girly" and loves fancy clothes, fancy hair baubles, make-up, and perfume. Everything except hair brushes. She'll put 8 little do-dads in her hair with no function, rhyme or reason - but won't touch bristles to her strands. At least not without threats of horrible consequences and that "mom" look. She used to get her hair cut at a children's salon, Jelly Beans. There they would actually lay the child on a padded table so they could wash the hair without getting water in the child's face or straining their neck. Next they were off to a delightfully decorated station with kids' movies, music, pictures and such. Fancy capes and lots of attention. Once finished the child would get to choose a bow or barrette and a balloon. What could be better! Now Abbey gets trims most anywhere around town we happen to be when we realize we haven't seen her eyes in awhile. She was disappointed as a toddler to discover that the lotion on Mommy's nightstand didn't make her hair soft and shiny like they talked about on tv. It did, however, stand up kind of spiky in places and smelled pretty good, too! She couldn't understand why Mommy didn't like it, though.

Did I mention our experiences with Barbie's hair... nah...that's a whole blog entry in itself! Have you noticed, though, that G.I. Joe has plastic hair??? Now, about those conspiracy theories...

psssssssssssstttttttttttt (the sound hairspray makes) pat, pat, dab, dab. 'How's that?" "Great, just pay at the counter and come back to see us again."

English As A Second Language...

Well, the title may not be quite right. It's really my lame attempt at a play on words; or lack of...

The condensed version: This is a long one today so here's the gist of today's entry.

• Think before you speak.
• Control your words - don't let them control you.
• Know what NOT to say....and then don't say it!

And For "The Whole Shebang:"

You may not realize it but I'll bet that you, like me, communicate more in a foreign language than you do in English. I'm not talking about Spanish or French or German. It's not required for high school graduation or entrance into college.

Curious? I'm referring to our "unspoken language."

One of my favorite lines of all time was recorded by country-music singer Mark Chesnutt in his 1993 #1 single "Almost Goodbye." Found in the chorus it says "Sometimes the most important words are the ones that we leave unspoken." This really hit home for me.

One example of "words left unspoken (unwritten)" happened Sunday night while writing my blog entry. I had a lot on my mind and the words were flowing effortlessly. Honestly the page was beginning to look more like a book than a blog entry! It took 45 minutes but I did finally wrap-it-up. While previewing it prior to publishing I began to wonder if I was sharing too much. Was I being too personal? Was I treating this more like a diary or journal than a blog? Suddenly feeling nervous I highlighted all of the text and promptly hit the delete key. Instead I published the slide-show-style random thoughts in a neatly bulleted list!

What I didn't write was far more revealing than anything I wrote that night. A blog can be an ideal place to get all those thoughts and feelings "out there" when we feel the need to be heard. To be understood. Where we can make our case, uninterrupted and without argument. Unfortunately, we still need to communicate with those in our lives "the old-fashioned way."

There's been strain in my relationships with my older kids recently. I know that the words I'm saying are not conveying what I'm thinking or feeling. My kids hear nagging or criticism yet I'm trying to tell them things along the lines of "I love you more than anything in the world and don't want you hurt." "I've been there and the road is torn up - take the other road." "Danger, Will Robbins, Danger! Beware!," etc. etc. etc. Unspoken words - unheard messages. Ouch.

It's the end of a long day, husband comes home from work, house is a mess. Dinner? What dinner? Next thing you know - I'm all over him for some imagined slight, some unfinished project, some "wrong" he's done. Yet, if allowed, my unspoken words would say "Hi Honey, it's been a long day. I'm so sorry everything's a mess and dinner...it just didn't happen. I'm really irritated and upset - but it's with myself - not with you. You work so hard and I just hate it when you have to come home to chaos."

Kids? Yep - they catch it, too. Just listen to mommy have a fit when the kids can't find matching socks or a pair of jeans. Cooler day and you need a sweater? No, it's not that I'm angry with the kids - I'm angry because I'm either behind on the wash or didn't double-check that the kids got their clothes to the laundry, or, well, you get the idea. Sweater? I have no idea where I put it at the end of spring. It could be anywhere! So while my unspoken words are explaining and apologizing to the kids, my words are being hurtful and expressing frustration - just not in the right direction.

It's not all bad, though. On the positive side, our unspoken words, as in the song, often define our boundaries. Have a heated argument with your spouse? Maybe your unspoken words are screaming "goodbye" while your spoken words stop short. Horrid day at work? They may be first in your thoughts but hopefully your unspoken words will remain "I quit!" Or "You're such a jerk I don't know how you ever became the boss!" Hmmm...there really are times to keep your words unspoken. We should all be stellar in the art of biting our tongues.

For those difficult situations it's good to know that there is a treatment for the negative side-effects of "Dual Language Syndrome... "

An ounce of courage to say the things we should, when we should. That's true whether it's a "hello" to someone you don't know, or the "I Love You" as a loved one walks out the door for the day. Go ahead and give that compliment. It won't hurt. You just might need sunglasses from the intense glow your words may create in the recipient.

A bite of our pride to let us convey our real thoughts and feelings and not the angry, frustrated words or tones we use with others. It's ok to apologize. It's ok to explain why you're feeling frustrated. Open yourself up to receive the understanding or forgiveness of others. It can be as good as a much-needed hug or loving shoulder to cry or lean on.

An exercise in caution to KEEP certain words unspoken. A "loaded" mouth can be as deadly as a loaded gun. A bullet can't be un-fired once shot and words can't be un-spoken once they've been said. Did you ever try to get toothpaste back in the tube???

I see these situations often in my family. I'm one of the biggest offenders. Through God's help, with prayer and a sincere heart, I'm trying to (1) recognize a potential negative situation, (2) pause, take a deep breath, and do what's needed to diffuse the situation I've just caused. (3) take the plunge and say the words that should be spoken and (4) be mindful of the words that need to remain unspoken.

On the receiving end? Try very hard to "hear" the words others may not be saying. No, I didn't say it would be easy. Keep smiling - it's hard to shout or stay angry at someone with a big smile on their face!

In retrospect, English, while complicated, is a pretty cool language. I don't think I need another.

Blessings to you and yours.